When the Mind is Still

Merry Christmas

2011-12-27T18:14:00.000+08:00

Missin those times where life was simple.

where do we go from here

2011-12-08T23:22:00.003+08:00

Maybe we can take our chances,

maybe we can see whats on your mind,

I wonder if we look as our hearts exactly what we find,

maybe we can take a lot of pain away

maybe we can heal a little today

Maybe you know something I don't

If you do then tell me...

where do we go from here?

God only knows..

Dreams

2011-11-13T22:19:00.000+08:00

Youth is just only one period of life,

But dreams last a life time...

2

2011-10-18T02:03:00.004+08:00

Exactly two years Ive been a survivor.

Thank you Lord.

Live fast Die young

2011-06-21T01:36:00.009+08:00

I passed my days in the hospital while having chemo treatment by watching all their funny shows. Jackass wont be the same without him. Crazy that after all the stunts he had done, he went down in a car crash. But he lived a dream and pretty sure he left the world a happy man.

Only The Good Die Young.

R.I.P for the man who made many people laugh.

I was mentioned in the tribute clip. (rolen369)

http://www.mtv.com/videos/news/665931/friends-and-fans-mourn-ryan-dunn.jhtml#id=1666050

Good Times Bad Times

2011-06-15T16:13:00.003+08:00

Einstein presented us with a theory that for every action, there is a reaction. This maybe be a bit of a stretch but seriously everything in our lives is governed by this, and while we might regard what happens to us, Good or Bad, someone else may see that as quite different.

Well now, not to confuse anyone here, "Good Times Bad Times" means a lot personally in my life that, it takes all things to make up my life and memories, the good and bad and we have to dealt with it. It makes me who I am today.

Believe

2011-06-11T02:38:00.001+08:00

"No Risk Comes No Rewards"

Gotta live by it.

Not forgetting to live

2011-05-27T22:14:00.002+08:00

If I could be who you wanted

all the time..

To those

2011-05-11T01:51:00.003+08:00

It happened in the past. And it happened once. But in your memory, you're letting it happen over and over again, almost each and everyday. You can't change that it happened, but you can change that it continues happen to you.

It's time to let it go, and no longer haunt yourself with shame and guilt.

And the truth is, it happened for a reason. Though it may be hard to understand the reason from where you sit in time and space, the point is it will allow you have a clearer perspective. Learn the lesson being offered, and allow yourself to have the freedom to move forward with simple thoughts and words yet powerful: "Sorry, Love, Thank you"

"Tough times don't last, but tough people do"

The Road

2011-03-28T12:57:00.001+08:00

THE ROAD from Road of Resistance on Vimeo.

A group of four friends travelled and did a documentary about the civil war in Burma. A very good short film.

Chocolates

2011-03-11T00:30:00.003+08:00

Money. Relationships. Jobs. People. All of these things come and go in our lives. Its like a roller coaster, its full of ups and downs. That's how life is. Sometimes it feels like you have it all and sometimes it seems like you got nothing.

Life is full of both. I dont think its about maximizing your ups and minimizing your downs. I think its about experiencing all the life has to offer with an open heart and joy. Maybe thats real happiness.

I dont know what happiness is for you. But I think I know whats its not: money, relationships, jobs, people, but I do know one.

Chocolates :)

Which comes first?

2011-03-06T23:05:00.002+08:00

Along the lines of timeless question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?". I bring you another: Which comes first, attraction or love?

Pretty Beautiful

2011-02-03T23:53:00.002+08:00

"Pretty is something you're born with. But beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective."

Some of us are attracted to this and some of us to that. But these attractions are special and personal. 'Beautiful' is much deeper, and its something that all of us express. My point is simple.

No matter what anyone else might say, you're totally, fully, completely and infinite beautiful.

Reasons to smile

2011-01-31T15:25:00.006+08:00

Truth to be told and perhaps predictably, I dont need a reason to smile. I think joy and bliss are our natural state and that we can learn the unhappiness that so many of us experience.

But if you do need a reason to smile, here are some of them.

- You are loved. If you are not loved by yourself, you are at least loved by me. And probably a whole bunch of other people to which you mean the world. Best of all, you can have the ability to respond that love and doing so is guaranteed to make you smile.

- Smiles can make new friends. It attracts attention and your smile may spark a new and fulfilling friendship.

- Because you are worth it. There are more than 7 billion people on this planet and not a single of them is more deserving of love, more beautiful or more magical than you. Knowing that, how can you not smile?

- A smile looks good on you. In fact, smiling is the best kept beauty secret. It works with any outfit and any combination of colors or prints. Wear it proud.

-Its good for you. Seriously smiling doesnt just makes you more attractive, from what Ive been through towards my 'sick and empty days', I believe that and researched smiling reduces stress, boosts your immune systems, lowers blood pressure and can help against pain.

- Because it is contagious. Your smile lights up the room and other people take notice. It helps people to connect their happiness.

And I know what youre thinking, there are certainly a number of reasons not to smile today. You dont need me to remind you of those. By not focusing on the negative, you are probably only getting a negative mood, attitude and experience.

Why not focus on those things that will lift you up again and make yourself with a more loving and positive energy?

The choice is always yours.

Dont get old

2011-01-11T21:49:00.003+08:00

"Nobody grows old merely by living the number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul."

How old would you be if didn't know how old you are?

Are you living?

2010-12-19T15:00:00.002+08:00

Its following that little nagging voice inside you that youve been silencing for months or even years with excuses. We excuse ourselves that the time isnt right, that we dont have the money or that we dont have the means instead of knowing the time is as right as ever, things will work out amd what we need will be made available.

What alive choices should I make for myself?

When it is time to come out,

2010-12-15T17:47:00.005+08:00

I think, Ive seen quite a lot of cases, read a lot online, from men and women, young to old, struggling to come out to their families and loved ones. Ive expressed my advice before, but its really an intense personal process that is different for all of us.

Who you actually are is often at times at odds with who other people want you to be, whether those other people are friends, coworkers, lovers or family members. This causes a gap, for gay, lesbian and even bisexual people, sexuality often means a widening of a gap. But for my case, seeing me as a weaker individual as in a cancer survivor who hasnt pass the '5 year gap' of being fully recovered.

I dont know of any boss or employer that wants their worker to be an ex cancer patient. When I told my interviewers before, they were almost moved to tears listening to my stories and said that may already difficult life would be much harder, if they employed me or something. My friends, "not all" accept me for who I am, but I sometimes think that they would put me in a "fragile" section if it was possible. That sometimes does apply to lovers, men and women of all generation, unless they are lucky enough to find someone who dont much care of the past.

For other family members, it is not widening the gap as much as a massive division, sometimes too wide and deep to overcome.

But sometimes to most of us, eventually sometimes comes down to this simple question, Are you going to create your life - or let other people create it for you?. We may only get one shot at this fragile thing called human life. It seems sinful to live it in shadows, hiding from your bright potential.

At a certain point, the fear of rejection becomes less important than the desire to live fully. And that's when you it is time.

Wear a smile.

2010-11-28T02:01:00.002+08:00

I define a smile as a simple and free gesture that can brighten your day or the day of the people around you.

A smile can spark a conversation or help you make a new friend. A smile can attract people to you and form a new relationship.

A smile is the single most important thing you can do to enhance your outward beauty.

A smile can represent a message of 10,000 words in a split second.

A smile can defuse even the most tense of conflicts.

A smile can melt hearts.

Imagine what your smile can do. A gentle reminder to flex the most important muscle you've got, Smile. Both at yourself and at others.

It may change your world.

Old fashion Hard livin

2010-11-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

There's a natural order, the way things are meant to be. In order, it says the good guys always win, that you'll die when its your time or you have it coming, that the ending is always happy, if only for someone else.

Now at some point it became clear to us, that our path is chosen and we have nothing to offer the world. Our option are only down to patty crime and minimum wage. So, we step off the path and went looking for the fortune that we knew is looking for us.

Once off the path you do what you can to eat, to keep moving, theres it goes to blow your chance to make one die, no possession, no comforts, need is the ultimate....

Halloween

2010-11-02T21:06:00.002+08:00

With the halloween happening, there's a lot to talk about costumes and masks. And so the timing couldnt be better to remind ourselves of the costumes and the masks we hide behind, not only during halloween but everyday.

With so many pressures pulling us in different directions, the hardest person to be is...you. It is easier to be someone else, to be someone whom your parents want you to be, or that society wants you to be, or someone 'high' advises you to be. But it is much difficult to follow your own and do what it feels right even though some things maybe wrong.

To believe in who you are, express your own individuality, follow your own style, to relax, to be honest and open and not to measure yourself by opinions of others, are the steps of removing masks and costumes.

This halloween, I was me, As it turns out, the hardest and most important someone that anyone could hope to be.

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another. - William Shakespeare

Important things in life.

2010-10-15T09:49:00.003+08:00

Watching the miners being rescued in Chile the other day, made me reminded of a story I once heard....

A philosophy professor once stood in front of his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, without saying a word, he picked up a very large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They all agreed it was.

So then the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the same jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles of course rolled into the open areas in between the rocks.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They all agreed it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured them into the jar. Of course, the sand then filled everything else.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with complete agreement "yes".

Now the professor said, "I want you to recognise this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else were lost and only they remained, your life will still be full.

The pebbles on the other hand, are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else, the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first ," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff , you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are important to your happiness. Play with your siblings. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

Just wondering...

2010-10-12T17:40:00.002+08:00

Did it get better for you?

Lets do more stupid things!

2010-10-01T15:46:00.003+08:00

As far as Im concerned, the only thing stupider than doing stupid things is not doing them at all.

I see it like everyone sees it, I dont want to go through life wondering "what if." If I fall on my face (which I often do), its not the end. I get up.

And Im wiser and stronger.

If, on the other hand, I hold back myself back from so many so-called stupid things, I may live a life steeped in regret and back out from growth and progression.

Im confused.

Just for you

2010-09-27T01:08:00.005+08:00

A picture speaks a thousand words.

Decisions

2010-09-14T22:57:00.002+08:00

There are a lot of decisions to be made. Meaning that there are two ways to look at it:, you can be overwhelmed by the choices, entirely stressed out or even brain paralyzed, Or you can be excited by the opportunities that is looking at it as if it was a one hell of a great adventure.

What to do after cancer is a huge life-altering decision. But so is what to do after dinner tonight. I mean, you could change the world between now and bedtime. The choice is yours to drown, its tempting to drown, but more fulfilling to soar.

Im not good enough..

2010-09-02T00:26:00.002+08:00

A billion people says "he doesnt like me"

A few billion more says, "she doesnt respect me"

Even more have said, "Im not good enough".

But some people responded, Do you know that for sure he or she doesnt like you? Are you 100% sure that she doesnt respect you? Do you really, truly know that yo are not good enough?

Of course, you cant know these things for certain. They are beliefs, not facts.

What would your life be without these beliefs? Heaven on earth...?

Beliefs are just beliefs, we can never be 100% certain about their truthfulness. So why not believe those beliefs that can bring you to a level of happiness fulfillment, love and purpose? Maybe it is just really that easy..

Just a thought.

Green light

2010-08-19T00:36:00.003+08:00

Been discussing and having thoughts to do it. All I need is moral support. Just needed the word "believe".

I hope there are no more red lights. Just that single green light and that hopefully would take me there.

*fingers crossed*

Love, an investment

2010-08-10T19:28:00.002+08:00

Few weeks back, a group of us gathered around in a friend's place and we touched on the laws of giving and receiving and the most notably, that you can only give what you've got.

Let's say that I want to give you $100 so that you can buy a pair of sneakers for which you have been saving. But if I have only $20 bucks, how could I possibly give you $100? Having at least $100 in the first place is a requirement for giving out.

In the same way, we only can give the 'energy' that we ourselves have. You can only give love to the world if its love that you have inside of you. You gotta have love to give love.

Let's say I do have $100. And I give it to you. In the real world, Im now $100 poorer. But love doesnt work like that; its much more mysterious. If I give you a gift of my love, I will get even more in return. It would be like giving you $100 only to find $500 in my sock drawer. The more love you give, the more you get.

Even in this real economy, love is an investment only with upward potential.

And that, my friend, is a beautiful freaking thing.

Cancer Survivors

2010-08-03T08:33:00.004+08:00

The population of adults who survived childhood cancer is growing at a rapid rate. It is estimated that 1 in every 900 young adults are cancer survivor. Thousands of them are staying well, growing up, graduating from high school or universities and successfully entering the workforce. Work fulfills may needs for adults: financial security, health insurance, self-worth. Despite some survivors still face job discrimination due to fears about cancer and its treatments.

And Im one of them..

Baggage...

2010-08-02T18:04:00.005+08:00

Many of us carry around a lot of weight in life. For some of us, its physical weight in the form of body fat. And for even more of us, its mental weight in the form of bitterness, failure and other emotional baggage. And just like a backpack tied to your back, sometimes how good it feels just to let it go.

Our mental weight is often similar itself as physically. Who among us hasnt at one time or another, tried to eat their emotions?

How freeing it would be to release it all? If its no longer serving you, why would you carry it around? If its a unwillingness that you had, what do you stand to gain by feeding it? Chances are its only sabotaging you, your life and perhaps your health and happiness.

Well fuck it, tomorow will be a better day.

Let it go. Release it. Be free..

Pillars of happiness. How many do you have?

2010-07-19T16:58:00.002+08:00

I was reading a 'conversation' of a psychiatrist in a particular magazine. The doctor told the magazine that:

There are three pillars of a life well lived : family, friends and a romantic relationship. So long as I have two in my own life, I am doing pretty well.

I think the psychiatrist left out the most important pillar of all. She neglected to include our relationship with ourselves. In lot of ways, I think our relationship with ourselves is the pillar of all pillars. It is nearly impossible to have fulfilling relationships with family, friends or lovers and even God if we do not have a fulfilling relationship with ourselves.

Family, God, friends, lovers and relationship with ourselves. Those are the pillars. And I think we need to have a healthy relationship with ourselves to live a satisfying and meaningful life. Family, friends and lovers certainly add the depth and enjoyment to our lives, but really they are the icing on the cake.

The cake, of course, is you. And what a sweet cake you are. :)

Save the best for first

2010-07-05T12:53:00.003+08:00

I realise most ppl always eat their least favourite food first. For example, noodles, normally we finished the soup or noodles first then, when everything single noodle or soup have been consumed (and when we are already a bit full), we will then later on take on the prawns or dumplings at the end.

Why do we normally do that? Well, saving the best for the last of course. Saving the best for the last is always what we always hear. But who started it? No idea at all.

I think sometimes, it is not a good idea to save the best for the last. What if I choke on the noodles and couldnt get to enjoy the juicy prawns or dumplings? or more realistic, what do I fill up on food that I dont like and risk for food that I like?

In a good sense, life is very short, dont put off things that you want to do or else you may run out of time to do them. You are so worth to do whatever it is to do right now, like career wise, a phone call, or even a plate of noodles or even a piece of burger.

Our futures are not promised, so save the best for last is a rule that is meant to be broken.

All you have is here and now, so enjoy it..

Pride

2010-06-15T21:02:00.003+08:00

Pride, at its heart, its about celebrating the true you.

After all, life is too short to spend it being anyone else.

With our time incredibly short on this planet, would you really want to spend your precious life avoiding your true self? Probably not.

My pride is that I will live this month and all months to the fullest. I will be me, and not live what others say that I must. I will enjoy every moment and not focus on what has come before and what may come after. And I will love recklessly. I will open my heart with each breath that I take.

Live. Be you. Enjoy. Love

Handle with care

2010-06-11T00:22:00.004+08:00

I think Ive made a good decision last weekend, and really proud of myself, by just walking away from that incident, even though Im seriously mad and almost couldnt handle it properly. And seriously things could turn out really ugly when lightning strikes. Well sometimes, in life things happen for a reason. Its the way how you handle it, how to handle the criticisms that were shouted right at you.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Prov 15.1

A very well-thought lesson learned today.

Fastforward

2010-05-31T19:02:00.003+08:00

Looking back.. thinking about wad happened before.

Glad it did happen.

Im passed that stage in life. Never ever turn back and walk that path again.

For now, its time to praise God.

Smile

2010-05-18T19:48:00.000+08:00

The world is a mirror. Be the reflection that you want to see.

Seeing someone you love, love someone else

2010-05-05T00:33:00.002+08:00

Of all the challenges in life, one of the most painful must be seeing someone you love, love someone else. This experience is really torturous.

But I dont think it has to be.

Love is very powerful, I cant help it but think that if you really, truly love someone, then you cant be anything but happy to see them create the life that they desire even that life doesnt include you.

In other words, if you love someone, you want them to be happy and that happiness may come in the form of life in which you arent a participant. To me, it seems selfish to want your love to 'give and respond' when the other party has found a more suitable companion.

Does seeing someone you love, love someone else really suck? Only if it is only about you in the first place. Instead be happy for that special someone, and be thankful that they found a person and relationship, through which to experience this great universe together.

Live your questions

2010-04-29T23:45:00.002+08:00

When I wake up before the sun, my mind wanders to life's greatest questions and more difficult mysteries. Who am I? What am I doing with life? Where am I going?

Well, it's just one of those mornings.

Sometimes in my own world, the answers are sometimes beyond my reach. I imagined a stack of antiqued, leather bound boxes with over-sized padlocks to which I dont have a key to it. Or a halfway of doors without door knobs.

I cant access the answers.

And probably for a good reason. And if i knew the answers, I probably be unable to cherish or appreciate them or else unable to live them. Ive tried to find the answers, but unlike knowledge, wisdom is not easily learned. Wisdom is lived.

And so just live the questions. When and if the time is right, the answers will come. And as it turns out, the answer will be less meaningful than the journey it took to get you there.

18-04-10

2010-04-17T22:33:00.002+08:00

Going home after 10 months here.

The love secret that you need to know

2010-04-06T16:39:00.002+08:00

I read this sentence off an article somewhere and it talks about love, a lady had an intention to move to NYC to interview people about love, where as she says that everyone is looking for love or to increase the amount of love in their lives.

In summary, she wrote:

"If you want more love in your life, then you need to give more love away. Keep the love flowing and circulating, and you'll live in abundance, for every ounce of love you give away, it will be returned 10-fold."

Seriously, is it as simple as that?

Yesterday afternoon

2010-03-26T14:01:00.002+08:00

Yesterday afternoon, I had a difficult task of sitting at the park bench of my apartment and enjoying my day.

Let's face it, we all have a lot of shit to do. Making time to do nothing is just about the hardest task imaginable. And yet, I managed to do just that.

I sat. Doing nothing with no one. For a good ten minutes.

Actually, Im pleased to admit that I didnt technically "do nothing", in fact I accomplished a great deal. When we do nothing, we do the most.

And when I walked away, I even smiled at a stranger and received a 'hello' in return. (no big thing for a hustling and busy city like Singapore)

It was a very difficult afternoon, but somehow I managed. If you are brave enough, you may wish to try to do nothing as well.

So many.

2010-03-17T11:22:00.005+08:00

So many things to think about, so many things undone.

So many things need to get rid off.

So many things in my heart that I cant get it off my chest.

Sleepless nights makes me tired everyday.

So many things Ive planned and thought about.

So many thoughts what will happen next.

Dont know whether Im excited or scared about the April scan.

Nobody knows it but me.

Sometimes

2010-03-10T15:26:00.006+08:00

Sometimes in life, things happened for a reason.

Sometimes you thought you had it all but seriously in reality you have nothing.

Sometimes the question is ,"what happens when I die?"

but,

the real question is "how will i live my best life?"

Well, third birthday as a cancer patient isnt that bad after all.

All I gotta do is appreciate everything.

What would you do....

2010-03-06T20:01:00.002+08:00

What would you do differently if you knew that no one would judge you?

Smile

2010-02-27T20:54:00.005+08:00

'Frown and you frown alone, but smile and the whole world smiles with you.'

The whole world? Not just any smile will do, though. Here's a way how to develop a genuine and infectious smile that can make a bad date turn good, seal a business deal, and help you make friends wherever you go.

And by sometimes, I mean always

2010-02-24T21:09:00.002+08:00

I just realised that I often make "sometimes" statements and sometimes I meant "always".

Sometimes you're in the right place at the right time. And sometimes I mean always.

Sometimes, life is so beautiful. And sometimes I mean always.

Sometimes, doing what feels right, trusting your instinct is the best you can do. And sometimes I mean always.

Sometimes, a hug is the best thing in the world. And sometimes I mean always.

Power of words

2010-02-19T00:14:00.006+08:00

I was reading a poem that moved me, The words created thoughts, and the thoughts created emotions.

We all have favorite books. What are books? Books are collection of words.

Words have incredible power.

One of the most powerful sentences in the world has only three words. "I love you." The power of love is incredible that it isnt just a word, it is a captured thought through layers and layers of personal experience, perception and emotions and yet powerful.

The best of love is unconditional love, no matter what happens she still loves me for who I am.

Love you Mom!

This is CNY

2010-02-11T10:55:00.002+08:00

On this holiday season, may you give more love than you seek.

May you understand others rather than you ask to be understood.

May you express compassion rather than require it yourself.

May you listen rather than be listened to.

May you accept rather than be accepted.

May you lift up rather than seek to be lifted.

May you give hope rather than receive it.

Of all the great mysteries of life, one thing is certain, we are put on this earth to make it a better place for everyone else.

Gong Xi Fa Cai,

wish everyone the best of health and wealth in this tiger new year.

Steps.

2010-02-07T10:18:00.006+08:00

Manifesting dreams is one of my favorite pastimes. It is simple yet powerful. Ive had yet so many dreams that I want to achieve, maybe writing a book or travel around the world or even strike a big time lottery, driving a bad-ass car. But one of it is to get through 5 years of recovery so that I can be cancer-free.

1. Write down your desires. Most of us know what we dont want, but rarely on what we want or need. So create a dream list.

2. Visualize the fulfillment of your desires. Go through each item of your dream. Imagine that yourself experiencing it. Taste, smell, feel, hear, see it like as if its damn real.

3. Get fucking excited. Feel the excitement and energy that your dream will be coming.

4. Seize opportunities. Making your dreams come true is about more than wishful thinking. Each day, be aware of the open doors around that may lead to the fulfillment of desires.

5. Be patient. Trust that when the time is right that your dreams will come true, and never stop working hard at all.

6. Remember that you deserve it. No one deserves it more than you to anyone in this world.

7. Express gratitude. Remember to be thankful and dont forget to share it with others.

And thats the way the cookie crumbles.......

Love and heartbreak?

2010-01-31T21:28:00.001+08:00

Is it better to love and have your heartbroken or to never love at all?

Can you feel it?

2010-01-27T23:44:00.004+08:00

A very good and inspirational video that no matter what ever happens, no one can stop you from achieving your dreams. Never ever stop believing and never give up when you think it is. Believe and have faith.

You ever pray for something your whole life,

All you dream about was one thing,

I mean you know its coming, you'll have faith in all of that.

But sometimes, you second guessed yourself.

Thats human nature sometimes,

Life seems to take me through more downs than ups,

seems like it give you more losses than wins.

But whether you stand tall and be bold or do you fall?

Do you believe?

So for me it came a long way, long way for me to stop now,

Not that I will stop anyways but,

Im so close that I can feel it...

Can you feel it??

Flowers

2010-01-25T11:19:00.004+08:00

When we experience hardships, pain or obstacles, its sometimes difficult to see the many flowers blooming all around us, but are darker moments that can blind us to the beauty of life and world.

Nature helps bring me back. Yesterday, I spent some time in the park of my hospital building here. Just seeing the tall grounded trees helped awaken me. A few children running around in the playground, very little birds flew around, but it was perfect and beautiful. What wonderful flowers, seeing it all reminded me that though my challenges feel large (and very painful) in this moment, they are but small matters that will work themselves out for the better.

In this very busy world, I think its important to see flowers, especially in our darker moments.

simply...

2010-01-17T18:46:00.005+08:00

Cancer, it makes u feel really lonely. Feels like you're battling it alone, but the fact is, you're never alone. There's always family and friends.

Seriously, I feel like cancer is not an ending for me, but a new beginning for me in life. Knowing that how important some people are in your life, I just want to sincerely say "thank you" to each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart.

No matter what it is, just take it one day at a time, be happy and dont think of the negative thoughts and never ever give up. Prayers do play an important role, at the end of the day, hope and faith are the ones.

Anyways, thank you all...

speechless...

2010-01-14T11:36:00.004+08:00

8.15am, Dr Ben came in, while I was still sleeping, he called me out and told me that the part that they took out from me from the operation is free from cancer, meaning its negative, no more cancer.. Thank God for everything.

Really feel like running around naked.. haha

smile

2010-01-13T12:56:00.002+08:00

If you cant smile, you cant help someone else smile.

The so-called problems in the world seems so great, countries at war, our planet is being polluted, people deny having equal rights, human dying of hunger, animals not being treated with respect, violence seen as solution for solving problems.

Fuck the world. So much problems seen on tv. Whats wrong with the world?

Im back!

2010-01-10T18:58:00.002+08:00

Im back. Still alive. Cant talk that much, have to control the voice and cant laugh or watch sexy films.

Im still good and will be out soon. :)

It feels funny without helmet, and afraid if i laugh or cough to hard, my stomach will burst. haha

Excited?

2010-01-05T14:40:00.004+08:00

courtesy of William Five.

I dont know how to describe what's going on in my head. Whether its fear or excitement? I just had a bottle of laxative, its so good to be pranking it on someone's drink. Well after I get well, I think I might buy bottles of laxative to spike someone's drink.

Looking at others just make me feel like shit sometimes, why everyone is having fun out there? F.T.W! I think Im just jealous of everyone now. damn.

Well the day is tomorrow. Whats it feels like not having the helmet on?

Please, I dont wanna have morning glory for a week.

2010

2010-01-02T19:07:00.002+08:00

another year have passed.

another operation to go.

4 more days to come.

Happy new year..

Yes we can.

2009-12-18T19:47:00.002+08:00

"Yes we can" has become a bit of cliche over the past two years. But Im here to remind you "Yes, you can."

When I was younger, everyone would always tell me that I could do anything that I wanted. Adults would tell me that I could achieve anything, go anywhere or be anything that I wanted when I grew up.

Well, I have grown up. And now those same people are the first to tell me that I cant - that it's too hard, too risky or just downright impossible. Why do we shut down the flames of a child's dreams, yet extinguish the desires of other adults?

At the end of the day, it doesnt matter what family, friends or strangers might think. The whole world can say, "You cant." But it take only one person to believe in you.

And that one person is you.

Just in case you need backup: I believe in you, too.

Dont let anyone else define your reality or demolish your dreams. If you want it- if you really, really want it- and you are willing to put energy, effort and heart into achieving your desires.. well I wouldnt want to bet against you.

You might encounter a million red lights. But it only takes one green light - your green light.

P.S (Life's short)

Life

2009-12-15T18:35:00.003+08:00

"Is there a life after death?" someone wanted to know

This is a wrong question.

The appropriate question should be, "How do I best live my life?"

Pictures

2009-12-01T15:08:00.004+08:00

They say "a picture speaks a thousand words."

It does right?

Weird dreams

2009-11-25T10:28:00.004+08:00

Ive been having weird dreams lately. A lot of weird dreams, but this particular dream I had last night was that I was a kid in kindergarten school playing the "tyre-made swing" and running around in the old backyard at my old school. Kinda weird. But being a kid made me miss something bad.

What do you miss most being a kid, a 5 year old kid?

Seriously, I miss crayons.

Haha crap...

Orange Juice

2009-11-22T14:29:00.006+08:00

The other day, I heard a great quote...

"If you let go a little, you get a little peace. If you let go a lot, you get a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you get complete peace."

I used to struggle with this truth. When you love someone, there is a temptation to try and secure that love by holding it or controlling it. But it is like really tempting to squeeze the relationship into a much more freeing and fulfilling relationship when there is room for it to grow.

But seriously, it depends. For me I think, which most people that Ive heard from, relationships are not like oranges.

"The harder you squeeze, the less juice you get."

So think wisely.

convinced?

2009-11-17T17:06:00.003+08:00

Ive learned something today. I didnt come to this world to convince anyone of anything. The things Ive learned and experienced that I had are my path and my path alone.

It isnt my job to change someone's mind. In fact, a mind is a very hard thing to change from outside. Its like changing a light bulb in your kitchen by standing in your front yard and reaching through your window. A mind is much more efficiently changed from the inside.

Many things have passed, sometimes the things that happened made me want to help and share with others, I wanna teach others how they can discover that place. But all seriously, I cant. Sometimes I just wanna say "This is what I found, and this is how I got there." But I couldnt.

But at the end of the day,its not my role to convince anyone of anything. Are my experiences and past true and meaningful? They are to me, and that is truly all that matters. Its my job to awaken myself and myself alone.

Thank you for helping me realize this. But shit, why did you wait for 25 years to tell me?

Shit happens

2009-11-12T19:09:00.002+08:00

Proudly to present to you another friend's statement of "shit happens" : "One man's shit is another man's fertilizer."

We hear a lot of shit happens. But does shit really happen? The statement meant that bad events unfold. I think that these events do unfold, but that they are neither bad or good until we judge them as much.

Basically when things dont go out as planned, it doesnt mean that they are bad, it just meant that maybe we do need experience. And our so-called negative events in our lives (accidents, getting robbed, break a leg or something) can be tremendous learning experiences. Just with a bit of consciousness, we can overcome it.

So its a matter of perspective, do you choose to see it as shit or fertilizer?

It's a choice...

If you believe that shit happens, then it will. My vote is on fertilizer.

wad I gotta do?

2009-11-11T19:19:00.005+08:00

Its tiring, really tiring to control someone from far away. No point in using abusive words or physical abuse. No point. Old and matured enough to think on your own. Your life is in the palms of your hands. U do what is right not do what is totally wrong. We are so disappointed in YOU!..

Its not that we wanna caged you or something? But dont make anyone worry or complain about your behavior. Dont think you are right in everything. I know people make mistakes, but regardless during these few months, its always over and over again. Im so freaking tired!

Lies after lies, excuses after excuses.. It makes me sad to hear lies again. Are promises meant to be broken? I think for you it is...

Sorry doesnt mean you can solve anything. I do not want to hear from you again until Im willing to forgive you. Sorry to say that. But its true.

Goodbye

if a person is unhappy.....

2009-11-06T17:10:00.005+08:00

If a person is unhappy, then they are unhappy with their feelings of unhappiness. This even creates a larger gap between the way this moment is and the way the unhappy person believes that this moment should be. This gap is created by sufferings and further unhappiness.

I always tell myself to accept unhappiness. None of us can change this moment. Our sufferings come from resisting the present moment and believing that there is really a gap between this moment and the moment it should be. We always try to change the moment with all our heart. tears, anger, violence, prayers, conversations or frustrations. But to no avail, we cant change this moment. Ever.

But is it possible that this moment is exactly as it should be? Is it possible that even our struggles, hardships and sufferings are all necessary in our lives? Is it possible that our unhappiness was or is necessary? Yes.

There is always a power in surrendering towards this moment.

We often share our unhappy stories and all the "should haves", "would haves", and "could haves" when we look inside and say "Im unhappy". But seriously Im okay with my unhappiness. Life isnt perfect, but to think back, I recognised that my journey till today, even though I had to participate in life and almost death, yet it is really beautiful.

William Measure #2

2009-11-05T18:14:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was MacD.... Today, Dominoes Chicken Capri Pizza..

P.S Bro.. u're loving it..

William Measure

2009-11-04T19:23:00.002+08:00

Since young, he always complained that he cant be fat. Bro, if you continue like this for 6 months. We can share clothes. Anyway, condolences to u and ur family. May kung kung rest in peace. :)

The bill

2009-10-29T18:46:00.005+08:00

Ive been staying here in the hospital since. And the bill is ........................

Im lucky to be a Bruneian....

And that's only just a small part of it.....

Living the ramen dream...

2009-10-26T22:35:00.005+08:00

Ive been following this blogger even since I was hooked on ramen. This guy is totally my idol. Well I believe life is short, and always go for your dreams. Money is not everything. Right?

Check out his latest post. I'll just paste it below.

He is truly my inspiration....

Dear Friends,

We all dream. We dream about many different things. But primarily, we dream about the good things in life that make us happy. Some of us strive for them and some of us just admire them from afar. Regardless, these dreams help us live for the future and give us hope and reason. So today, if you don't mind, I would like to share with you my dream--my Ramen Dream...

It all started when I was young, very young. My mom often jokes that she may have eaten too much ramen while I was in the womb, but I still think she didn't eat enough. I was born in the U.S. but my parents were both born in Japan, so growing up we would often visit relatives in and around Tokyo at least once a year. It was during those times that I became obsessed with ramen at such a young age. As a kid, I was very picky with what I ate (I can eat anything now) and refused to eat any of the traditional Japanese foods because they all sounded and looked so gross. Apparently, this frustrated my mom. So being the great mom that she is and because she'd rather not see her son starve to death, she took me down the street to the nearest ramen-ya in hopes of finding something I would like. And what do you know, I did.

Now back to my dream. I began to realize it back in April during my inspirational ramen journeythroughout Japan. At that time, I knew what I wanted to do, but I just didn't know how I would go about doing it. I even wrote on the last day: "As this dream is officially coming to an end, it has opened the door for a new one to follow." Well guess what? The day to enter that door has finally come. So without further ado, let me explain.

Last week, I submitted my resignation from my job as a programmer. And beginning next month, I will be moving to Japan to start a new job at a popular ramen shop in Tokyo. Most people think I'm crazy to give up such a good job just to go make noodles, but that's only because they don't really know me or my passion. This is my dream. It's my only shot at actually living it so I can't let this opportunity pass on by. I'm sure it will be hard and I know that I will struggle, but the mere thought of getting to actually live in Tokyo to work and learn the art of ramen from one of the best gives me goosebumps. I'm nervous, yet more excited than I've ever been in my life!

I'll reveal the shop and the master soon enough, but I first wanted to fill you in on my dream. I know I can count on you to support me. After all, we've come this far together and I thank YOU for letting me share all my ramen encounters on this measly blog. I will do my best to document my experience on a frequent basis as well as provide bigger and better reviews from Japan. So please stay tuned and join me as I live the Ramen Dream!

Yours Truly,
Keizo

p.s. I leave for Japan on 11/2.

dreams..

2009-10-23T22:34:00.003+08:00

We all do dream. But really what are your dreams?

Living the ramen dream

When you've done it all...

2009-10-21T22:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend of mine, she asked me, "Where do you go when you've done everything you've wanted?"

If you've climbed every mountain, broken through every obstacle and manifested every dream, what's next?

What happens when you've opened every door, explored every alley and viewed the world from every angle?

What is left to discover when the world has open its deepest secret to you?

What do you do when you've seen everything you've wanted to see? What do you do when you've learned everything that you ever wanted to learn? What do you do when you've done everything you've wanted to do? What do you do when you reach enlightenment?

She asked me all this, I was like "wow, kinda siao' ah this girl... but of course I didnt answer her "can die already la achieve so much". But I of course patternly answered her in a 'bunga' way.

"Though it seems like there is only one logical answer: what you've done, have found and learned everything you've ever wanted, the next step is helping others do the same...... "

Haha :p

stop crying your heart out

2009-10-16T20:28:00.002+08:00

Everything's gonna be fine. Stay optimistic. If they are dark clouds coming up, they'll leave again. They always do. The world is round. Everything's round. The biggest invention of all time, the wheel is round. Things pass. Nothing will stay the same forever. No matter how big a pile of shite you've gotten yourself - be it drugs, financial problems, fucked up relations: you'll get over it. It'll just go away just like the weather. - Noel Gallagher.

Coming home?

2009-10-10T14:13:00.008+08:00

A Father waits upon a son

A Mother prays for his return

I just called to see

If you still have a place for me

We know that life took us apart

But you're still within my heart

I go to sleep and feel your spirit next to me

I'll make it home again

I pray you'll fall in love again

Just say you'll entertain the possibility

I learned enough from my mistakes

Learned from all I didnt say

Wont you wait for me

It maybe long to get me there,

It feels like Ive been everywhere

But someday I'll be coming home

Round and round the world will spin

Oh, the circle never ends

So you'll know that I'll be coming home.....

We fight to stay alive

But somebody's got to die

It's so strange to me

A new year, a new enemy

Another soldier gone to war

Another story told before

Now it's told again

It seems the wars will never end

But we'll make it home again

Back where we belong again

We're holding on to when

We used to dare to dream

We pray we live to see

Another day in history

Yes we still believe

It maybe long to get me there,

It feels like Ive been everywhere

But someday I'll be coming home

Round and round the world will spin

Oh, the circle never ends

So you'll know that I'll be coming home.....

If

2009-10-05T13:28:00.002+08:00

If u dont think u can do it, u cant.

If u dont think it will be easy, it wont.

If u dont think its possible, its not.

Your world is form by limitations of your own thoughts. As u think, so will u live? There's a cage around us is of our creation. And you hold the only key to freedom.

If u think u can do it, u can.

If u think it will be easy, it will.

If u think its possible, it is.

What more can I say? Pigs cant fly... so fly bird fly..!

Not by accidents

2009-09-22T11:06:00.003+08:00

I dont believe in accidents. Not even the more 'jialat' (severe), not pleasant accidents which cause great sufferings. I think they are incidents but not accidents.

When I look back at my life, and the many so-called 'events' and 'situations', does really made me see how each step does lead to awareness. My so-called accidents turned out to be tremendous and incredibly life experiences. Sometimes, these accidents pushed me into new and fulfilling directions. And I think I sometimes need pain to go through it.

We are put on this earth, not to make order in the universe, as I think it is in a well perfect order. Just that we need to put ourselves in alignment with these order. Doing the right things in a well mannered way. Respect people, loving family and friends and never do drugs.

Look back in your life, None of it was by accident.

Especially when our paths crossed.......

mother...

2009-09-18T11:10:00.006+08:00

Mothers are the one that gave birth to you through the hard times of labor, pushing and shouting and crying and endless painfullness to bring you to this wonderful world. She carries you for nine months, suffering the vomiting, having uneven emotions throughout the nine months. And when you are born, she gave you everything that she could, continuously loving you, continuously forgiving you each time you did something wrong that could hurt her and providing and cook for you anytime whether she is sick or unwell just to feed your stomach well. Mothers are very generous, they are like the "wonder woman" in a film, whenever you need help, like when you are sick or when you are in debts or when you need anything.

My mother is like that, she treats each and everyone of us in the family with her unconditional love. But what did she get in return? I feel sometimes useless that being the oldest in the family couldnt provide a proper and stable income and living for my ownself, what more to say to my mom and family. Dad left her way too early, really way too early, unexpected unbelievable that sometimes he is gone. Oh well, Life's like that.

For these past two years, I cant thank her enough for taking care of me. A 54 yr old lady bringing a 100kg fat sick son off to Hongkong and cant even read a single chinese word. No matter what, rain or sun, everymorning she would go down and buy breakfast (egg tarts or egg sandwiches, my fav) for me while Im still asleep in bed. There are really too much to say of what happened in HK for that year but all I know and I thank God for answering my prayers on her to be strong and not having asthma attacks, for she is herself is not 100% fit at all.

This year, in Singapore for my third and final treatment, she is here with me as well. It been like 4 years, since Dad and now me, and Im still not yet recovered yet.! She even carry my laptop bag on her back with her handbag on the left and the heaviest xray and petscans documents on her right pushing me on a wheel chair in the airport, hotel and hospital on the first day when I arrived here!. She massages my leg when Im in pain, massages my forehead when she knows Im tired from the chemo, she holds my hand while I cry when Im really lost, she does everything for me. I dont know how to thank her already seriously, for I know that in my heart, I promised her to be healthy again which is her wish.

Today, is her 54th birthday, for I remember last year I bought her a cake on her bday. But this year, my hopes are on my brother, for Im still admitted in the hospital. I just wanna wish her the best of health and longevity, for I am sorry for being sick still, but I know I will be healthy again for I want you to have a normal and not stressful life after that.

Mummy, I just wanna thank you for being there for me the most. Your prayers everyday means the most to me. Happy Birthday and I love you....

advice from a dead man...

2009-09-17T14:00:00.006+08:00

I have had those final moments "feelings" before I write this post. But now, Im daydreaming about my final moments and what is it like to exhale the last breath. I think its comforting like a bowl of indomee goreng. Haha..

Im tuning my dying-self to a projected list of advice from a more wiser me. On my death bed, here's wad Ive will offer my advice to the younger generation.

1. When you dont think things are going your way, they are.

2. Stop worrying about stuff. When u reach a certain time, u wont remember most of your so- called problems. And if u do remember them, its with a smile.

3. Money isnt real. Dont let it guide your actions.

4. Do wad u love. And if, along the way, u make the world a better place, all the better.

5. Family and friends are damn damn important, but they come second to yourself.

6. Looks fade, but with a glowing heart only grows brighter.

7. Cry often

8. Life is too short for Marlboro

9. Nothing real dies.

10. Nothing the past nor the future are real. This is it. Now.

11. Never take a job you dont enjoy.

12. Love everyone, especially the people you dont like.

13. See yourself in everyone, especially the people you dont like..

14. Love and believe in God.

And that was it, as quicky as it started, it was over. There were no fireworks or marching bands. The earth keep spinning, the sun keep shinning, the cows keep mooing and life went on without me.

P.S Im not really dying yet. Doctor said Im on the right track. and will be back home soon.

mummy

2009-08-30T22:10:00.003+08:00

Even cynthia says she could win the greatest mom award. Taking care of me for almost 2 yrs ..in Hongkong and Singapore. I pray that she continue to be strong and I promise I wont let her down. And ppl back home, dont let her worry...

The greatest mom with the greatest smile.

Recent Pics

2009-08-27T20:53:00.007+08:00

Few weeks ago friends and family came by and supported me through my therapy. It was good to have them over but I only had few pics of them,

Friends that were here when I was really down and sick....

Look at them trying to be cute.. haha

Told u they trying to be cute..

My mother.. now she works in telephone hotline. always on the phone...

my bro could sleep anywhere..

Tiredness?

old times

2009-08-23T12:30:00.002+08:00

During those days with my good friend, Fred...

kangta164.blogspot.com

2009-08-21T20:27:00.003+08:00

I might not blog much from now on... Tired and nausea from all the medications. Just if you guys wanna see much of my update, go visit my younger bro's blog.

kangta164.blogspot.com is his blog

I seriously thank you guys for giving me moral support, I wont let you guys down. Thanks for all the prayers. Keep on praying, I really need it, I will fight this disease and come back healthy. I promise you all , not letting you down. I love you all.... seriously thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love, Roland

i dont wanna die yet

2009-08-11T21:29:00.003+08:00

Im not ready for death yet, few days ago.. I encountered a big thing in life. I almost went into death, but for the prayers, God never left me. He was there for me all the time. I thank God sincerely. And I hope from now on, everything is running smoothly.. I thank everyone for the prayers. I love u all...

Change your thoughts = change your world

2009-07-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

Every thought you have makes up some segment of the world you see. It is with your thoughts, then, that we must work, if your perception of the world is to be changed.” - A Course In Miracles

life being sick

2009-07-02T13:46:00.002+08:00

Life being sick sucks, nowadays our world today, whatever kind of sickness also got, that can cause death. Even a normal flu also need to be quarantine.. whats wrong with the world God? Are u trying to kill us all?

As for me, CHEMO sucks..

g-shock new releases..

2009-06-30T18:36:00.001+08:00

dope..

RIP Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T11:29:00.001+08:00

Im a sneaker freak

2009-06-17T13:39:00.001+08:00

Blue Lobster Danger from Frank The Butcher on Vimeo.

Nice Sneakers

2009-06-14T18:52:00.003+08:00

I hunger for u...

Cool Video

2009-06-12T10:29:00.000+08:00

Linkin Park – “New Divide”

i dont have a life

2009-06-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

I don’t have a life. How could I? How could anyone?

How can you have something that you are?

I’d never said that red paint has red. Red paint is red.

In the same way, we are life. It’s our essence. We are expressions of life.

If you look at light in this light, our anxiety over death seems silly and stupid. How can you lose something that you’ve never possessed? You can’t lose it if you don’t have it. Life isn’t like a house or a car. It’s not a possession. It’s what we are.

So, I don’t have a life. And neither do you. Instead, we are life. And that makes all the difference.

hurt...

2009-06-07T20:32:00.003+08:00

Ive no way of helping out as a brother, Im in so much pain and yet, she thinks that she is doing the right thing. Mom is so hurt and broke down when she heard the news. How and what should we do? All we could do is pray, and pray for the best.

Only one week away from home, many troubles and worries already, how to go for the next few months? How?? Why the sudden urge of being like this?

Ive nothing to say, nothing to advice.. really cannot do a thing about it.

an end? a beginning? or a change?

:(

or do you want us to rush back to brunei jus becos of u? Im already sick enuf.
she loves u so much. and how can u do this back to us?

18sx...

2009-05-09T16:51:00.001+08:00

Megan Fox Esquire Magazine- Good Morning Megan - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

Isnt she hot? A hot girl with tatts.. hmmmm...

happy birthday

2009-05-07T00:55:00.003+08:00

This is the latest movie Ive watched till today, its a very touching story, something to be seem like an 'unperfect ending' love story. It really plays with your heart, dont be fooled by the boring title of it. Watch it and you will know what Im talking about.

This is the best trailer that I can find online, but then the main 'issue' of the movie is not released. So watch it and feel it. :)

Just do it...

2009-04-19T21:23:00.000+08:00

Just a friendly reminder, Today is Sunday, April 19, 2009. And today is the opportunity of a lifetime; it’s the perfect day to do whatever it is that you want to do.

If you want to be a painter, paint. If you want to be a blogger, blog. If you want to be a lover, love.

The only thing holding you back is you.

truth

2009-04-09T21:16:00.001+08:00

The truth is, ... Im not feeling the right way that I should feel.

Remember when?

2009-04-03T19:22:00.004+08:00

Do you remember when you used to think that you had good days and bad days? Do you remember when you used to think that the day’s events dictated its value? Do you remember when you used to think that your mood and your happiness were subject to the purpose of life?

Yeah, I remember those days.

Back then, life was like a roller coaster. You were never in control. It was like playing a game that couldn’t be won. The idea was simple enough: try to accumulate more “ups” than “downs”, more “goods” than “bads.” But life happens, as they say. And the so-called “downs” and “bads” were always unavoidable.

Of course, things are different now.

You know that the contents of the day don’t give the day its value. Instead, you know it’s all about how you look at the contents. It’s your perspective of the events that matters most, not the events themselves.

Getting laid off can be seen as a blessing to some and a hell to others. Or a trip to a museum. Or waiting in line (which happens to be my favorite activity - I rely on any excuse to do nothing, and waiting in line is the perfect excuse for doing just that). And the same can be said for everything else.

Yes, you’re much wiser now.

BV5126

2009-03-23T23:03:00.001+08:00

I need a car! a new car!!!!!!!

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you

I want these!

2009-03-22T22:12:00.000+08:00